“Ordinary Town” A Mystery Story by Chloe Fontenot

Chloe Fontenot, 7th grader at Catherine Blaine K-8 was this year’s finalist in our Mystery Fiction contest. We were really taken by her marvelous use of suspense and how easily this story could take place in any ordinary town. 


Ordinary Town

Some people swore the house was haunted.  It was perched on an ordinary grass hill overlooking the even more ordinary town I’m sad to call my home. But that house was not ordinary, that house was extraordinary.

The house was tall and clearly once very grand; It had overgrown ivy cascading down the moldy siding.  Several windows were shattered and the door hung limply on the hinges.  But that house projected an energy of something special, something more than this town.  The only flaw is this house holds more trouble then all the perks it could possibly have in store; People go missing in this house, people are never seen again!

But yet here I am, the shaggy overgrown yard under my feet looking up at this broken palace, suddenly concerned about the past residents. But I came to far to back down now, I’m going to find out what happens in this place.

I took one last look back on the plain brick houses before stepping onto the creaking wood porch.  My stomach fluttered as my hand hovered over the brass door knob.  I gently turned the knob the cold metal stinging my hand, the door groaned open revealing an almost empty room.

The room was made completely out of wood from the dusty floors straight to the concaving ceilings.  The walls held wood paneling stretching out in different directions. In the middle of the room held the grandest chandelier I have ever seen, the crystals twinkling in the rooms little light.  The chandelier looked as if it belonged in something like The Great Gatsby.  I let out an amazed sigh stepping completely into the room letting the shadows engulf me.

The house was eerily silent the only noise coming from the creaking of the floor boards and the distant zoom of cars from the street outside.  The house was only illuminated by the light shinning through the open door, this room held no windows.

I took another step deeper into the room until I was standing in the dead center under the magnificent chandelier, as I did so an electrifying chill shot through the room rattling the hanging crystals above me and slamming the old wood door shut.  I stiffened, paralyzed in fear.  Every bone in my body telling me to get the heck out of there.  But yet I couldn’t move couldn’t breath.  I stood perfectly still, in the now darkened house.

I don’t know how long I stood their before I heard it, it started out dull almost like anxious fingers tapping on a table then it turned into something louder something fierce. Uncontrollable pounding and scratching coming from just under the floorboards.  I stumbled backwards against one of the paneled walls my hands covering my mouth to muffle my scream as the scrapping and pounding continued.  I look back to where the door was, planning my escape my ears ringing as the pounding and scratching grew louder.

I hesitantly took my first step to the door followed by much faster steps as my hand reached for the door knob, my heart nearly stopped.  I heard him before I saw him, his loud voice booming above the pounding, “Going so soon?” he questioned amusement clear in his tone.

I whipped around searching the shadows for the figure who produced the voice, finding nothing.

“You see, you only just got here.” his voiced laughed, “I must request you stay a little longer.” I looked in the direction of the voice finally seeing him. He was tall and thin the shadows covered his face so I could only make out his sly smile as he reached a boney hand out in my direction motioning me toward him.

A chill ran through me as I turned fumbling to find the door knob, once I found it only to discover it had been locked.

“I’m sorry,” he bellowed, “Did I stutter?” I froze feeling a warm breath on the back of my neck and an ice cold hand reach for my shoulder yanking me into the center of the room.

The pounding and scratching grew louder until it was unbearable.  I clawed at my ears to make it stop my knees buckling until I collapsed on the wood floor.  I felt the ground shake beneath me, the word “help” forming on my lips.

Just as slowly as it began the pounding ended leaving the room silent except for my soft whimper, “Who are you?”

He let out an icy laugh making me suddenly miss my ordinary town.  I stared up at the glistening chandelier watching it explode into a million shimmering pieces raining down on me.  I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding as the room around me went black.


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